(warning: this is just a mental dump. Unedited.)
Saturday, September 22, 2012 started out like any normal day. I was headed up to Northstar with my boyfriend to compete in the tough mudder challenge. 11 miles of fire, ice, mud, water, and numerous other obstacles. Totally normal day.
My brother, our friend Sarah, and I started out at 1:20pm. 4 brutal hours later, we finished. I was so banged up. Sunblock in my eyes the whole time. In and out of cold water. But I tried every single obstacle and succeeded on most.
We crossed the finish line, where my man was waiting and taking pictures of thewhole thing. (He actually got to a spot about an hour in and took pictures of the ice bath obstacle. I was so excited to see him, I ran over and gave him a kiss - best morale booster ever).
After some chaos, we finally made it to the surprise he had planned: He got us a little rental condo at a Squaw Valley ski resort. SO PRETTY. I showered for an epic 30 minutes or more, trying to get some of the the muck off of me. I was broken, tired, hungry, and coming down with a cold. Bruises everywhere, swollen eyes.
I got out of the bathroom....to dimmed lights, rose petals, champagne, cheese, and crackers. And a proposal.
Whaa???
He said that I wasn't just his tough mudder, I was the most adorable and fun person he had ever known and asked if he could keep me around forever, if I would like that. To which I said "I would totally love that!"
Just a normal saturday, right? lol
And now, I am sitting in a gorgeous condo on South Padre Island, TX...working (well, obvs right now I am blogging, but I have legit writer's block so I am doing this to get the juices flowing before I go back to my other project). I get to work with a view of the water. Go runningon the beach in the morning. Play in the ocean in the afternoon. And, best of all, I'm spending a week in paradise with my FIANCE.
Best idea ever, to get away right after you get engaged. Judging from the activity on my facebook page, it will be kind of crazy back at the office.
Funny, when I think about where I was in my life not just two years ago. Two years ago, I was engaged to someone else. Someone who turned out to be a total...psychopath. Sociopath? Not sure which one really. He left me, basically at the alter. But not before completely destroying me. I went from being a strong person to being totally dependent on him. I let him cut off my parents and even destroy a friendship before it started because he didn't like the girl (She is totally my best friend now). He left me for a woman I thought was my best friend. I ended up moving in with HER soon to be ex husband because she left him for my betrothed (weird, I know). The bizarre set of circumstances led me to where I am now. Totally happy. I feel like...I don't even know. It was meant to be.
The man I moved in with, whom I had known for years, as we were all friends, turned out to be my soulmate. I was so nervous about the living situation, I had never really had a roommate before. But I moved in and everything clicked. We talked about everything and helped each other heal. We learned that we like most of the same things, had the same values and beliefs, and we were emotionally going through the same thing. We did EVERYTHING together. I brought him around all of my friends. We went on trips. I made him decorate for Christmas...lol. I found MYSELF. I started to do all of the things I loved. Things for ME that made me happy. I could be a better and happy person. Richard found he could do the same. Those happy, healthy people? We fell in love.
And then. well, we were dating. And living together as a couple.
Two years later. We have a lovely home. Good jobs. Each other. A puppy. and now engagement.
I guess. I guess what I feel is lucky and happy.
So, to my ex: I don't even hate you anymore. I honestly wish you had just left me sooner or I had kicked your butt to the curb so I could have been with my now-Fiance sooner. I feel like I wasted so much time. Richard was always there. I saw him all of the time. I wish I had known he was the one. So, you can keep your crappy memories, and broken home, and slutty wife. I have a shiny new world and I am finally able to be myself again. You were right when you said you were dragging me down. I'm not sure you believed it when you said it, but it was totally truth.
To my fiance: I love you so hard. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I never really knew what it was like to be loved until you. You give me strength and I can only hope that I do the same for you. In this next year of wedding planning, I know our relationship will only get stronger. Every day is an amazing new day to be happy and enjoy our lives together. Our relationship grew out of ashes, but sometimes you have to slash and burn to grow the most beautiful things. We were horribly hurt, but we healed each other. We were alone, but we took each other's hand and squeezed it so that we weren't. We started out on a journey together, as companions, partners, lovers, and friends. It's the best journey ever.
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